Robot Wars: THE MUSICAL!
by theatre4life
Summary: In progress, might change after I'm done. What happens when our heroes are accidentally sent back to the time of the Robot Wars? Summary sucks, look inside for a better one. Rated T for cursing.
1. Act 1 Part 1

**Hi. My name is theatre4life. You may have seen me around the fandom recently. I've had this idea in my head for a long time, so I decided to write this! It's basically a sequel to Starship, it's very AVPS-esque. All of the Starship Rangers get accidentally warped back to the time of the Robot Wars when they're supposed to go back to the start of Starship instead! Will they survive the Robot Wars AGAIN? Will Lieutenant Gravity (an old colleague of Up's) decide to join them in the past? Will they be able to deal with eccentric new characters? Will they manage get to their correct time period? Is Mrs. Space-Claw what she seems to be? Can Junior change? Will Tup finally become a couple? And the big question: what exactly was February and Specs betting on? NOT COMPLETE YET, JUST FYI. WHEN I'M DONE WITH THE FIC I MAY GO BACK AND CHANGE SOME THINGS.**

**I don't own Starship or any of the canon characters. I also don't own anything else I mention that's not original such as references to other fandoms (this includes the character of Astro Boy; I didn't come up with him, obviously). However, I do own Professor Nimblewimble, Mrs. Space-Claw and any OCs I include, as well as the past versions of the canon characters, the plot (besides already established events) and the original songs, which I spent a long time perfecting. I now understand how Darren and AJ feel...enjoy!**

* * *

(The lights come up on a certain commander named UP, who has an extremely exaggerated expression of doom on his face.)

YOUNG UP  
Look at all those robots, Gravity! (Spazzes out) I can't believe Señor Lopez made us come to his daughter's quinceñeara just for us to work again...I really wanted to  
relax. But nooooo, robots just had to show up and make everything a hell. My life is a misery! My life is misery! I am a Starship Ranger who should be on the front lines right now! (growls)

YOUNG LIEUTENANT GRAVITY  
(clueless, wandering) Whaaaaa? What robots?

YOUNG UP  
The robots right in front of your face, you punk. (Hits Gravity)

YOUNG GRAVITY  
Ow! These are the robot wars, you idiot. You don't go around hitting people on your own side!

YOUNG UP  
Well, sorry, Air-head! Wait...the only thing that you can control is air! Ha! ROBOTS! AAAAAGGHHHHH!

(A small group of robots quickly rush toward the pair of Starship rangers. They let out three screams, each louder than the last, then they start shooting at them. The robots let out mechanical sounding screams and break down.)

YOUNG GRAVITY  
Hmm. That was easier than I thought it would be.

(They high-five each other. Suddenly ROBOT #1 creeps up behind GRAVITY and punches him in the back.)

YOUNG GRAVITY  
Yawwwww-weeeeeeeee! (Crumples up in a bundle and passes out)

YOUNG UP  
Nice knowing you, Gravity. (Runs offstage as a swarm of robots chases him)

(On a screen that unfolds as the set rolls onto the stage, the logo of ROBOT WARS: THE MUSICAL! shows. Terrible screams are audibly heard from the background, followed by the thumping noises of people running aaway. The entire set is now revealed as more robots flood the place. YOUNG UP, GRAVITY, and ROBOTS are shooting at each other. YOUNG UP and GRAVITY are shouting words of encouragement at each other. Suddenly a young girl wearing a fancy dress runs in, climbs up a tree, hangs from a branch, and holds on for dear life as a pair of robots run in, shooting crazily.)

TASINA  
Save meeeeeeee! (Clings onto the tree)

(The robots have ropes; they are slowly gaining on TASINA, who's losing her grip on the branch.)

TASINA  
(crying) They'e gonna freaking string me up like my donkey pinataaaaaaa!

YOUNG UP  
I'll save you, little girl!

TASINA  
(Fiercely) I'm not a little girl, I'm fifteen! Today...(Robots glare menacingly at her) AY MAMA SALVAME! FELIZ NAVIDAD CABRONAS! ME LLAMO TASINA! ME GUSTA TACOS!

YOUNG GRAVITY  
What did she just say? Did she just say "Salt on me?" Ooh, she has tacos! (Starts to run toward TASINA)

YOUNG UP  
I'm beginning to wonder why Space-Claw recommended you. (Glares at him)

YOUNG GRAVITY  
He recommended me? (Faints)

(YOUNG UP shakes his head. He rushes towards the robots, and in slow motion, he chops off the robots' hands and arms. He grins slightly. TASINA lets out a sigh of relief in slow motion, but then breaks the moment by accidentally letting go and falling off her branch.)

TASINA  
(Panicking) Salvame, salvame, salvame!

(YOUNG UP looks on as TASINA hits the ground. He chuckles.)

YOUNG UP  
Looks like someone's not gonna be a Starship Ranger anytime soon.

TASINA  
(Bitterly) Looks like someone's not gonna be my boyfriend anytime soon.

YOUNG UP  
(after a pause) You got me, Tasi.

TASINA  
Stop calling me Tasi, dumbass. From now on... I will be Taz.

YOUNG UP  
Whatever you say, Tasi.

(TASINA growls.)

TASINA  
We've known each other for four hours, Greg.

UP  
(Growls) Up. Up, not Greg.

TASINA  
Alright, OOP. It's my birthday. Lay off me and I'll lay off of you. And I WILL be a Starship Ranger. Just you wait.

(They share a glance. Suddenly, loud laughter is audible from offstage. Lights slowly dim and the scene changes...we now see a grown up TAZ and UP cracking up over something. They are in the Starship Lounge. Looking on are BUG and FEBRUARY, SPECS and KRAYONDER, and TOOTSIE and MEGAGIRL. They keenly watch the two alone. FEBRUARY is visibly making a bet with SPECS; on what, we are not entirely sure of yet. BUG gives her a playful shove. FEBRUARY shoves him back as UP and TAZ start to talk again.)

TAZ  
Oh, the bad good old days. Shooting robots-

UP  
Destroying war tanks and listening to mechanical (and maniacal) screams-

TAZ  
You kicking Lieutenant Gravity's sorry ass in training-

UP  
Oh, yeah, let's not forget that. What did happen to Gravity?

TAZ  
Who knows? I was never friends with that idiota! El esta una idiota grande mucho!

UP  
Idiota. Sounds so much like idiot.

TAZ  
It's a cognate!

UP  
Um...what's a cognate?

TAZ  
(Very fast) A cognate is a word from another language that sounds similar to that word of the same meaning in ours!

UP  
(Beat)  
You reminded me of a bushy haired girl for a split second there.

TAZ  
A bushy haired girl, huh? (Stalks out of the room)

UP  
(Calling after her) Taz! I didn't mean YOU were bushy haired! I was talking about another girl who sounded the same...

(FEBRUARY looks dejected, and turns to SPECS. She gives SPECS her bracelet sadly.)

FEBRUARY  
Here's my payoff.

SPECS  
Why thank you! (Under her breath) Never asked for the bracelet, but whatever...

(UP turns toward the two girls. He looks mildly curious about what they're doing.)

UP  
Whatcha doin', girls?

FEBRUARY  
(panicking) Umm...we're...looking for unicorns! (SPECS gives her a half-hearted thumbs-up, FEBRUARY grins widely, showing perfectly white teeth.) Like the magical  
creature, but a real one!

UP  
Um, alrighty then...(whispering to BUG) Once a February, always a February. What were they betting on?

BUG  
(Whispering) Tell you later.

UP  
Ah, the bad good old days...asking people what other people are saying to tell people who'll tell other people.

(Intro to "LIFE BACK THEN" starts)

BUG  
(confused) Am I the only one who did not understand that at all?

TOOTSIE  
Don't worry, Bug. We're clueless together!

UP  
**LIFE BACK THEN**  
**LIFE IN THE ROBOT WARS**  
**SHOOTING AND SHOUTING**

TAZ  
(entering from other side)  
**LOVING AND DOUBTING...**

FEBRUARY  
**FORGETTING AND GOING INSANE!**

KRAYONDER  
**GETTING A LOT OF MIGRAINES!**

TOOTSIE  
**FALLING AND GETTING BACK UP**

SPECS  
**MAKING PROGRESS AND LOSING OUR UP**

MEGAGIRL  
**JUST GETTING PROGRAMMED AND LEARNING TO CRY**

BUG  
**LIFE IN THE HIVE**  
**WANTING SOME FREEDOM, THE YEARN TO FLY**

ALL  
**SO THANK DEAD GOD WE FOUND EACH OTHER!**  
**THANK THE GOD THAT'S NOT THERE FOR THIS NEW LIFE**  
**WE NEVER WANT TO GO BACK**  
**LET'S NEVER GO BACK TO THE LIFE BACK THEN!**

UP  
**MY LIFE BACK THEN...**  
**THE GUY WHO HAD IT ALL**

TAZ  
**OH YES, HE DID!**

UP  
Thank you, Taz.  
**TOP OF EVERYTHING**  
**COMMANDER OF ALL AMAZING MISSIONS**  
**WINNER WHO TOOK IT ALL**  
**BUT THEN I HAD MY FALL...**

KRAYONDER AND TOOTSIE  
**AND THE WORLD NEVER FORGOT IT!** (they quickly retreat as UP glares at them)

UP  
**IT WAS AN EPIC FAIL**  
**BUT SOMEHOW I MADE MY BAIL**  
**BECAUSE YOU ALL HELPED ME OUT**  
**I GOTTA STOP AND SCREAM AND SHOUT** (screams; the remaining Starship Rangers cover their ears)

ALL  
**SO MAYBE ONE DAY WE'LL GO TO A LIFE BACK THEN**  
**BUT OUR LIVES WILL BE GREAT**  
**KNOWING WE MADE IT THROUGH**  
**AND WE'RE OKAY**  
**BUT BACK THEN, THERE WAS AND THERE WERE**

UP  
**SHOOTING AND SHOUTING**

TAZ  
**LOVING AND DOUBTING**

FEBRUARY  
**FORGETTING AND GOING INSANE!**

KRAYONDER  
**GETTING LOTS OF MIGRAINES!**

TOOTSIE  
**FALLING AND GETTING BACK UP**

SPECS  
**MAKING PROGESS AND LOSING OUR UP**

MEGAGIRL  
**JUST GETTING PROGRAMMED AND LEARNING TO CRY**

BUG  
**LIFE IN THE HIVE**  
**WANTING SOME FREEDOM, THE URGE TO FLY**

ALL  
**SO THANK DEAD GOD WE FOUND EACH OTHER**  
**THANK THE GOD THAT'S NOT THERE FOR THIS NEW LIFE**  
**WE NEVER WANT TO GO BACK**  
**LET'S NEVER GO BACK TO THE LIFE BACK THEN!**

TAZ  
**MY LIFE BACK THEN...**  
**THE WEAK GIRL, KIND OF SMALL**

UP  
**OH YES, SHE IS!**

TAZ  
Nice one, Up. Nice.  
**SHE WAS AFRAID**  
**THERE WAS SO MUCH UNKNOWN**  
**AND THE WORLD SEEMED SO CRUEL**  
**ESPECIALLY WHEN LIFE PLAYED LIKE A FOOL**

TOOTSIE AND KRAYONDER  
**WHEN SHE WAS FIFTEEN!**

TAZ  
**BUT ****THEN THE STARSHIP CALLED,**  
**IT SAID, "TASINA, PROTECT THE WORLD."**  
**SO I BECAME A RANGER**  
**AND WENT "PEW-PEW-PEW,!" BECAME BADASS**

ALL  
**SO MAYBE ****ONE DAY WE'LL GO TO A LIFE BACK THEN**  
**A ROAD THAT ISN'T BUMPY IS NOT WORTH IT**  
**WE LEARNED OUR LESSONS WELL**  
**BUT THERE ARE LESSONS WE NEVER NEEDED TO LEARN**  
**SO ANY LIFE IS BETTER THAN THE LIFE BACK THEN**  
**EVEN IF THIS GOOD LIFE SHOULD END-**

(Intrcom screeches and someone offstage clears their throat)

INTERCOM VOICE  
Commander Gregory Up, Lieutenant Taz Lopez, Robot Lieutenant Megagirl Nitro, and Starship Rangers Krayonder Kolpher, Specs  
Glass, Bug Akalaht, Tootsie Noodles-I mean, Megagirl-and February March come down to Dr. Space-Claw's quarters if you please.

KRAYONDER  
(curiously) Up, your first name is Gregory?

UP  
(Yelling) NEVER SPEAK OF IT!

TAZ  
(Suspicious) What could Space-Claw want with us?

BUG  
Don't you remember what Junior tried to do on my planet? Don't you remember what he tried to do to February? Space-Claw's probably in cahoots!  
I mean, he's Junior's father...and where exactly did Junior get all those spaceships and the like?  
**I THINK THAT THIS GOOD LIFE'S ABOUT TO END...**

ALL  
**AND WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE LIFE BACK THEN.**

(They all exchange frightened looks, take deep breaths, and bravely march offstage - some do so rather awkwardly - as the stage lights dim.)


	2. Act 1 Part 2

**Hi. My name is theatre4life. You may have seen me around the fandom recently. I've had this idea in my head for a long time, so I decided to write this! It's basically a sequel to Starship, it's very AVPS-esque. All of the Starship Rangers get accidentally warped back to the time of the Robot Wars when they're supposed to go back to the start of Starship instead! Will they survive the Robot Wars AGAIN? Will Lieutenant Gravity (an old colleague of Up's) decide to join them in the past? Will they be able to deal with eccentric new characters? Will they manage get to their correct time period? Is Mrs. Space-Claw what she seems to be? Can Junior change? Will Tup finally become a couple? And the big question: what exactly was February and Specs betting on? NOT COMPLETE YET, JUST FYI. WHEN I'M DONE WITH THE FIC I MAY GO BACK AND CHANGE SOME THINGS.**

**I don't own Starship or any of the canon characters. I also don't own anything else I mention that's not original such as references to other fandoms (this includes the character of Astro Boy; I didn't come up with him, obviously). However, I do own Professor Nimblewimble, Mrs. Space-Claw and any OCs I include, as well as the past versions of the canon characters, the plot (besides already established events) and the original songs, which I spent a long time perfecting. I now understand how Darren and AJ feel...enjoy!**

* * *

(Lights come up on a hallway at G.L.E.E. headquarters. We hear someone calling after UP.)

LIEUTENANT GRAVITY  
Hey - hey, Up! (He runs onstage and gives UP a welcoming punch in the neck. UP keels over in pain.)

UP  
Ow. Ow, Taz -

(TAZ turns around and spots GRAVITY. She shakes her head and clicks her tongue in distaste.)

GRAVITY  
(Uncertain) Great to see you again, Taz?

TAZ  
Gravity. You traitor.

GRAVITY  
(innocently) I never did anything!

TAZ  
Yrah, right. Anything but becoming a big fat liar and traitor. Not only did you play with Up's feelings, but you-

TOOTSIE  
Hold up a minute, this turd played with Up's feelings? That's a crime in itself!

GRAVITY  
Ah. (Walks over to TOOTSIE) The Farm Planet idiot, yeah? And then you misfits (motions towards FEBRUARY, SPECS, KRAYONDER, MEGAGIRL and BUG). I'm glad you're going ON TRIAL.

TAZ  
How could YOU possibly know anything? You're so low on the food chain, leeches would eat you!

FEBRUARY, SPECS, TOOTSIE, KRAYONDER, BUG AND MEGAGIRL  
Oooooooooohhhhhh...(TAZ glares at them; they shut up.)

GRAVITY  
You'd be surprised, Taz. You'd be surprised.

TAZ  
And it would be incredible if you were even a soldier anymore. Especially after your humiliating defeat last summer...

FEBRUARY, SPECS, TOOTSIE, KRAYONDER, BUG AND MEGAGIRL  
Ooooohhhhhh...

UP  
Not sure if anyone's figured this out yet, but...HE PUNCHED ME IN THE NECK! (The Starship Rangers turn around at this statement) (to Taz, weakly) Taz, am I bleeding?

TAZ  
No. Nada...blood?

KRAYONDER  
You don't know the Spanish word for blood?

TAZ  
(Angrily) You can't expect me to know every Spanish word!

MEGAGIRL  
(thoughtfully, or about as thoughtfully as a robot can get, anyway) It's sangre, actually.

TAZ  
And you know that because...?

LMEGAGIRL  
(Robotically shrugs) Google Translate 3000 is wired in my system. One of the perks of being a robot.

GRAVITY  
(irritably) ANYWAY! Punching each other in the neck is our greeting, old friend! Don't you remember?

UP  
(looks thoughtful; for a moment it seems like he remembers) No. (Stronger, and more angrily) No, I don't remember how punching me in the neck could be a sign of welcome.

GRAVITY  
Really?

(On the other side of the stage where the stage light has sprung up, YOUNG UP and YOUNG GRAVITY enter. They run toward each other, and punch each other's necks.)

YOUNG GRAVITY AND YOUNG UP  
Owwww! (They groan)

YOUNG UP  
Dead God, that's a rush.

YOUNG GRAVITY  
Oh, yeah...

(They punch each other again. Then TASINA pops in again. She ends up in between the two, and both of their punches land hard on her face. TASINA keels over in pain.)

YOUNG GRAVITY AND YOUNG UP  
(Yelling frantically) You killed Tasina! You bastard!

(The light flashes out on the scene. UP and TAZ are bewildered; the other Starship Rangers are completely confused.)

TOOTSIE  
So you guys ripped off South Park and punched each other until you knocked out Taz?

(UP and GRAVITY share a quick glance.)

GRAVITY  
Well, yeah...I guess that's right.

BUG  
You could have just told us that.

SPECS  
Wait...did Tootsie just say something intelligible?

(All Starship Rangers except GRAVITY stare at him.)

TOOTSIE  
What? What did I say?

(There is a slight pause. Then UP breaks the silence.)

UP  
Gravity...(winces) Great to have you back on board.

GRAVITY  
Great to see you too, Up.

UP  
So what exactly did you do after the Robot Wars?

GRAVITY  
(Faltering) Oh, right...well...

TAZ  
Spit it out, idiota!

GRAVITY  
Well...(muttering) I became a janitor at Space School...

TAZ  
(smiles widely) What? Say that again.

GRAVITY  
No!

TAZ  
(demanding) Say that again, loud enough for all of us to hear.

GRAVITY  
(pleading) No...

TAZ  
(triumphantly) Yes.

GRAVITY  
(defeated, loudly) I BECAME A STUPID JANITOR AT STUPID SPACE SCHOOL. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

(At this moment, they reach the office of a menacing GENERAL CRYBABY. CRYBABY opens his door with a clang. He has a strangely tough voice and stature for a man of his name.)

CRYBABY  
(Thundering) Gravity! Why are you disturbing me?

GRAVITY  
General Crybaby! Um...

CRYBABY  
(Angrily) I'm General CRY, because I make people CRY. CRY, comprendo?

GRAVITY  
(Timidly) General Cry, I am so very sorry for disturbing you.

CRYBABY  
(Points at GRAVITY) You better be.

(CRYBABY slams his door shut. There is an awkward silence.)

SPECS  
(Breaking the silence) Okay!

FEBRUARY  
He speaks Spanish?

ALL  
Shut up, February.

(They all continue to walk down the hallway. Then: )

UP  
Gravity, where the hell are you going and why are you walking with us?

GRAVITY  
(Affronted) Well!

(He opens the door of a random office. A giant plant-like tendril creeps out of the door and attacks GRAVITY and UP. Everyone reacts accordingly.)

FEBRUARY  
(Screaming) AAAAAAGGHHH! AAAAAGGGGHHHHH! AAAAAGGGHHHHHH OH MY DEAD GOD THAT IS THE COOLEST PLANT I'VE EVER SEEN!

(UP quickly slams the door close. Everyone sighs in relief except for FEBRUARY.)

FEBRUARY  
(Muttering) That was a cool plant.

TAZ  
Gravity, seriously, get the hell out of here. And I don't know why I've never asked this, but what the hell kind of a name is "Gravity?"

GRAVITY  
What the hell kind of a name is "Taz?" Or Tasina, even?

BUG  
Taz, your real name is Tasina?

TAZ  
Bug...there are some things in my life I don't like to share with people.

KRAYONDER  
What about the thing with your quinceneara? Or the bullies? Or your calculus class?

TAZ  
(glares at him) You were listening in on us?

KRAYONDER  
Duh. How were we supposed to know our cue to start our dance break?

TAZ  
...Good point. Gravity...just leave us alone now.

(GRAVITY gives the Starship Rangers a piercing glare. Then he opens a random door and lets himself in.)

SPECS  
(reading the plate on the door) "Commander Failure."

UP  
(Frantically) Commander Failure? Dead God, he's the worst! We have to hurry or Gravity'll catch up with us!

(They rush offstage. Moments later, GRAVITY throws open the door and rushes out, panting.)

COMMANDER FAILURE  
Get out of my quarters, you big buffoon!

GRAVITY  
(Turns around to face the door) I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

(GRAVITY turns around to face the audience. He is still panic-stricken.)

GRAVITY  
Dead God, Commander Failure's the worst. Wait - guys? (He turns to the left. No one is there. He jumps to his right.) Guys? (He turns to the audience again. He sighs.) Left behind again. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

(Lights down on GRAVITY...)


	3. Act 1 Part 3

**Hi. My name is theatre4life. You may have seen me around the fandom recently. I've had this idea in my head for a long time, so I decided to write this! It's basically a sequel to Starship, it's very AVPS-esque. All of the Starship Rangers get accidentally warped back to the time of the Robot Wars when they're supposed to go back to the start of Starship instead! Will they survive the Robot Wars AGAIN? Will Lieutenant Gravity (an old colleague of Up's) decide to join them in the past? Will they be able to deal with eccentric new characters? Will they manage get to their correct time period? Is Mrs. Space-Claw what she seems to be? Can Junior change? Will Tup finally become a couple? And the big question: what exactly was February and Specs betting on? NOT COMPLETE YET, JUST FYI. WHEN I'M DONE WITH THE FIC I MAY GO BACK AND CHANGE SOME THINGS.**

**I don't own Starship or any of the canon characters. I also don't own anything else I mention that's not original such as references to other fandoms (this includes the character of Astro Boy; I didn't come up with him, obviously). However, I do own Professor Nimblewimble, Mrs. Space-Claw and any OCs I include, as well as the past versions of the canon characters, the plot (besides already established events) and the original songs, which I spent a long time perfecting. I now understand how Darren and AJ feel...enjoy!**

* * *

(Lights up again on the end of a hallway. The other side is dark. You can hear distant sounds of karate-chopping. Our heroes look defeated as BUG goes to knock on the door. But before he could get a single sound out - )

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Hai-yah! Take that, you - mmph! KARATE PUNCH MAXIMUM! Thank you dear. You're ever so pleasant tied up and gagged.

(All of the Starship Rangers look confuzzled, particularly BUG, who cocks his head as he goes again to knock on the door. This time, he actually manages to get some sounds out before the strange woman on the other side starts karate chopping again.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Oh, Luther, get that for me, will you?

TAZ  
Luther? Who the hell is -

(But before TAZ can finish her sentence, a Data Dog named LUTHER scratches at the door. He opens the door and immediately circles TAZ. TAZ scowls, LUTHER shrinks back and LUTHER immediately starts to circle BUG, who appears very scared of the tiny creature. FEBRUARY approaches the dog, who sniffs her before nuzzling against her.)

FEBRUARY  
(contentedly) Aw, he's such a cutie! And his fur is so soooooffftttt... (she proceeds to pet and cuddle LUTHER)

TAZ  
(Disgustedly) February, he's made out of metal.

FEBRUARY  
(dreamily) Soft metal...

TAZ  
Yeah, well, you're mental. (FEBRUARY and the other Starship Rangers gasp in surprise) What? It's the hard truth!

(LUTHER wags his tail and leads the band of Starship Rangers into the office. Lights out on the small hallway; lights up on a messy looking office. A pleasant looking woman stands in the midst of the mess; this is MRS. SPACE-CLAW, who will play an important part in this story. A grumpy looking man is tied to a chair and gagged; DR. SPACE-CLAW.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(grimacing) Why hello, kids.

UP  
Kids? I'm 48 years old, woman!

TAZ  
Holy crap, what happened in here? And HOLY CRAP, UP YOU'RE 48?

UP  
Yes...

TAZ  
Nothing. (FEBRUARY snickers) Shut up, you.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
As you know, my dear husband called you down. He was going to put you a fixed trial that would eventually be the cause of your immediate executions (all of the Starship Rangers gasp), but you can sort of see what happened here. (They all look worriedly at the bound figure of DR. SPACE-CLAW.) Naturally, my husband and I don't see eye to eye all the time, and this was one of those occasions.

TAZ  
(Wide-eyed) You kick his ass every time you disagree with him?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Watch your language, Lieutenant Lopez. But yes, I do "kick his ass." I may be a military wife, but I have a black belt in karate, MMA, taekwondo, kung fu, jujitsu, AND kickboxing.

SPECS AND KRAYONDER  
(In awe) Wow.

BUG  
So what do you want with us now, Mrs., uh, Space-Claw?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Oh, dear! (Turns to BUG) You're Bug, aren't you. The one who changed it all.

BUG  
Well...I guess...

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
I am so sorry about what Junior did to your planet, Bug.

BUG  
No, really...it's...it's fine...BUGGETTE! (starts to wail)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Is there something wrong?

BUG  
(dries tears) No! It's just...well...anyone have Space Vines?

TOOTSIE  
Here. (Hands bag of Space Vines to Bug; they're basically the future version of Red Vines)

BUG  
(sniffs) Thanks.

TOOTSIE  
(BUG pops one into his mouth and starts chewing) Don't mention it. It's been in my back pocket for over a year.

UP  
Wait...you mean your back pocket as in...your butt pocket?

(BUG immediately throws up. MRS. SPACE-CLAW tries her best to remain poised as she proceeds her continue her explanation.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Ahem. As I was saying, I couldn't understand why my Junior would do that.

TAZ  
You said it. That son of a - oops.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
No offense taken, Lieutenant Lopez.

TAZ  
You know that you can just refer to us by our first names, right?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(smiles) I prefer using formal names, Lieutenant Lopez, if you don't mind.

TAZ  
Actually I - (UP gives her a whack in the back) - No, I don't mind. (Glares at UP)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Alright...on Junior now...okay. It has been my theory for a while now that this all may not have happened if he hadn't been turned evil by his father. I believe that he can change.

ALL  
Junior...can change?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Yes. He is my son, I believe that he can. And I also believe in you. I'd like you to help me out. I need you to change my son. If you do, you can save Bug's planet beforehand...you can end his unhealthy obsession for pot...you can keep him alive.

TAZ  
(Angrily) Who do you think we are, woman? Therapists? We're not miracle workers!

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
I never said that they were the same thing (beat) or that you'd have to resort to that. All I want...(sighs) is my son back. He's dead, and it's all because of his values and principles. If you could change that, then he could be alive again.

(The intro music to "MRS. SPACE-CLAW'S DEPRESSING SOLILOQUY" begins. MRS. SPACE-CLAW sighs and moves toward DR. SPACE-CLAW's desk. DR. SPACE-CLAW shakes furiously, still tied up. MRS. SPACE-CLAW ignores him and picks up an album of her family. She turns to the first page: Baby JUNIOR. TOOTSIE slowly rips the page off, and MRS. SPACE-CLAW clutches her heart.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
**HE HAUNTS ME DAY AND NIGHT  
THE SON THAT I ONCE KNEW  
HE WAS THE HAPPIEST, LIVELIEST BOY  
A PICTURE, NO, A FIGMENT OF LIFE**

**HE WAS MY SON  
HE PLEASED EVERYONE  
HE NEVER SHOWED ANY SIGN OF DARKNESS...  
SO WHAT HAPPENED?  
HE WAS NEVER A CARELESS LITTLE BOY...  
SO WHAT HAPPENED?**

**COME BACK, COME BACK, MY SON  
BUT NOW YOU'RE JUST A GHOST  
AND I ALL I DO IS CALL HIS NAME  
AND HOPE FOR LIGHT  
I**** HOPE FOR LIGHT**

**BUT ALL I DO IS SING A DEPRESSING SOLILOQUY**

TAZ  
Well, to be fair, he's nineteen.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(Choking back tears) Do I look like I care, Taz? He was my son and I thought I raised him right.  
**HE IS THE GHOST OF MY PAST  
THE BOY THAT IS GONE  
IF ONLY I COULD HAVE MADE HIM LAST  
IT IS ALL MY FAULT**

**HE WAS A SWEET BOY  
HE NEVER TREATED ANYONE LIKE A TOY  
OH, MY BOY! MY BOY!**

UP  
You couldn't think of ANYTHING that rhymed with "boy?"

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
OH MY DEAD GOD WILL THE TWO OF YOU SHUT UP!

DR. SPACE-CLAW  
MMMM-HMMMMMM!

(MRS. SPACE-CLAW thwacks him, and he is out cold)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(nods) **SO WHAT HAPPENED?  
WHY HAS HE RUN FROM THE EARTH?**

BUG  
(Matter-of-fact, bluntly) A huge bug named Pincer ate him.

(All of the Starship Rangers stare at BUG, who slowly retreats - this is actually quite inaccurate.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
**COME BACK, COME BACK...MY SON.  
COME BACK, COME BACK...TO ME.  
****DON'T MAKE ME SING...THIS DEPRESSING SOLILOQUY**

STARSHIP RANGERS  
**DON'T MAKE HER SING...A DEPRESSING SOLILOQUY  
****JUNIOR!** (sarcastically) **WHAT A WONDERFUL GUY!  
****JUNIOR! COME BACK TO YOUR MOMMY...**

TAZ**  
WHAT A WONDERFUL GUY YOU ARE, JUNIOR.  
YOU GOT YOUR MOM FOOLED  
BUT WE ALL KNOW JUST WHO YOU ARE!  
YOU WENT WAY TOO FAR TO EVER COME BACK AND WE ALL KNOW**

BUG**  
WHAT A WONDERFUL PERSON YOU ARE, JUNIOR.  
YOU KILLED ONE OF MY FRIENDS  
HOW CAN YOUR MOM EVEN THINK THAT  
IT WAS JUST YOUR VALUES AND PRINCIPLES THAT CAUSED MY PAIN?  
****  
**STARSHIP RANGERS**  
AND WE DON'T WANT TO PLAY YOUR GAME ANYMORE!  
YOU'RE DEAD, BUT SO WHAT?  
WE'RE NOT GONNA GIVE IN AND WHY SHOULD WE?  
WHAT DID YOU EVER DO FOR US?**

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
**MY DEPRESSING SOLILOQUY  
****CHANGING HIM WOULD MAKE HIM FREE…  
(riffs) COME BAAAAAAAAACK TOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEE. (holds note under the following)**

UP**  
OR ME?**

TAZ**  
OR ME?**

BUG**  
OR ME?**

SPECS**  
OR ME?**

KRAYONDER**  
OR ME?**

TOOTSIE AND FEBRUARY**  
OR...MOO?**

UP, TAZ, BUG, SPECS, AND KRAYONDER**  
WHAT THE HELL?**

SPECS  
So...you want us to somehow change Junior? How? It's not like we could go back in time... (MRS. SPACE-CLAW gives SPECS a meaningful look.) Oh, yeah, we can...

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Follow me, if you please. You can use the time machine that we've been developing.

UP  
Is it safe? I mean...have people used it before?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Yes. One person. (UP and TAZ motion for her to move on) Well...we haven't seen him since, (UP and TAZ start to panic) (desperately) but we now have a method of speaking to people who are back in time! I can help you as you travel on...you'll be less likely to die, cause a time shift, or get lost in translation.

BUG  
So...it's safe?

UP  
(muttering) -Er.

BUG  
What?

UP  
Nothing.

KRAYONDER  
Sounds good enough.

FEBRUARY  
Should we bring weapons and stuff?

TAZ  
Are you idiotas listening to the same conversation as I am? DID YOU JUST SING THAT SONG WITH ME? We're literally her lab rats!

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(a little forcefully) I can assure you that this is perfectly safe! Right, Luther? (LUTHER barks excitedly; the Starship Rangers remain unfathomed) (sighs) Luther can be your connection between the two times.

FEBRUARY  
(excitedly) REALLY? I'm so in!

BUG  
I guess I'm going if February is. But I still really hate that dog. (LUTHER pounces on BUG and BUG yelps in surprise)

KRAYONDER  
Eh, I'm cool with it. Being the first one to do something makes someone special!

TAZ  
Unless you die. Then that's not special.

UP  
It could be. (Everyone stares at him) What? It could. You could blow up by a bomb, you could get shot, you could sacrifice yourself, your death could be just damn bloody and/or disturbing...

TAZ  
(still staring) I was wrong. You're still a total badass.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Which means that you're in?

("GET BACK UP" theme starts to play under dialogue. The Starship Rangers smile and start to chant: )

ALL STARSHIP RANGERS EXCEPT FOR TAZ  
Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! etc.

UP  
(exasperated) All right, all right, I give up! (Throws his hands into the air) Which means that you guys are going.

MEGAGIRL  
As long as we're not going back to the Robot Wars, Tootsie and I are game.

KRAYONDER  
What the hell, I'm coming. Hey, man! Good going, you got back up.

(UP grimaces.)

SPECS  
You guys need some brains, I'm coming, too.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
So, Taz. You're the last one left.

TAZ  
I already told you: No. I am NOT going to help your stupid son.

UP  
Taz, come on, we can't go without you.

BUG  
Yeah, Taz, we can't.

TOOTSIE  
(nodding) Taz, GET BACK UP!

TAZ  
(snarls) If it really means that much to you guys, all right!

STARSHIP RANGERS  
YAAAAAAAY!

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(wipes sweat off her forehead) Thank you, Taz.

TAZ  
(Gruffly) Don't mention it.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Now, if you just follow me, I'll lead you to our time travel room. Before you go...we don't want any time shifts or time ripples to occur. Just remember not to get distracted by other things unrelated to the mission. (All of the Rangers look equally distracted, MRS. SPACE-CLAW sighs) Well, come on! (They all hurry offstage. "GET BACK UP" theme ends. Suddenly DR. SPACE-CLAW lets his ropes loose and takes off his gag. He smiles evilly.)

DR. SPACE-CLAW  
Great acting, honey.


	4. Act 1 Part 4

**Hi. My name is theatre4life. You may have seen me around the fandom recently. I've had this idea in my head for a long time, so I decided to write this! It's basically a sequel to Starship, it's very AVPS-esque. All of the Starship Rangers get accidentally warped back to the time of the Robot Wars when they're supposed to go back to the start of Starship instead! Will they survive the Robot Wars AGAIN? Will Lieutenant Gravity (an old colleague of Up's) decide to join them in the past? Will they be able to deal with eccentric new characters? Will they manage get to their correct time period? Is Mrs. Space-Claw what she seems to be? Can Junior change? Will Tup finally become a couple? And the big question: what exactly was February and Specs betting on? NOT COMPLETE YET, JUST FYI. WHEN I'M DONE WITH THE FIC I MAY GO BACK AND CHANGE SOME THINGS.**

**I don't own Starship or any of the canon characters. I also don't own anything else I mention that's not original such as references to other fandoms (this includes the character of Astro Boy; I didn't come up with him, obviously). However, I do own Professor Nimblewimble, Mrs. Space-Claw and any OCs I include, as well as the past versions of the canon characters, the plot (besides already established events) and the original songs, which I spent a long time perfecting. I now understand how Darren and AJ feel...enjoy!**

* * *

(The gang, LUTHER THE DROID DOG, and MRS. SPACE-CLAW enter from stage right. We see a small group of people moving about, cleaning up and fixing random rocketships, time machines, and weapons. One person wipes sweat from his forehead. Three people stand around a lab table, using chemicals. Every now and then the test tubes blow up. He makes a little motion towards MRS. SPACE-CLAW and everyone stops moving for a split second.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Alright Starship Rangers, this is the Test Room. We, as the name implies, test out all of our top secret inventions here. Normally, we wouldn't let any of the Rangers in here-

WORKER  
You bet we wouldn't! (glares at them)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(gives WORKER a meaningful look as she continues to speak) Ahem. Normally, we wouldn't let any of the Rangers in here, it's far too dangerous and we don't know what they'll say if they come in here.

(As MRS. SPACE-CLAW says this, we hear an engine sputtering and a person coughing. In the background, we hear someone moaning, and another saying, "Suck it up.")

SPECS  
Wow. I'd give my life to work in a place like this!

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
I know, it's amazing, right? Follow me to stage right, I'll show you your time machine, or as we call it down here, the Time Warp.

UP, FEBRUARY, KRAYONDER, TOOTSIE, MEGAGIRL & BUG  
**LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!** (dance crazily; TAZ rolls her eyes; LUTHER robot-barks in excitement)

TAZ  
Excuse my HD friends.

FEBRUARY  
What?

TAZ  
Hyperactive disorder? Forget Attention Deficit, you're all just hyperactive.

(Everyone ignores her except for MEGAGIRL, who does a hyperactive dance move that mocks TAZ, and they move toward a large, LARGE metal ring. Next to it is a control panel. A man named READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS is sitting at a desk next to it. He timidly blanches at the large entourage that draws near to him. Suddenly, TOOTSIE jumps up and down in excitement.)

TOOTSIE  
Ooh! Ooh! That's my cousin!

UP  
Your cousin the haystack?

TOOTSIE  
No! No! My cousin the human!

READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS  
Oh, shit. Um...long time no see Tootsie?

TOOTSIE  
Everybody, this is my smart cousin Read-And-Write Books!

READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS  
Call me Rawb for short. And yes...I'm smart. (cockily) The smartest person from Farm Planet.

TAZ  
Must be why you're here, then.

READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS  
Yeah. I'm much of an outcast out in the stupid world of Farm Planet.

(READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS sighs, then stares out at the audience glassy-eyed; he is obviously having a flashback that we can't see.)

BUG  
Um, Rawb? What are you doing?

READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS AND TOOTSIE NOODLES  
(wearing the same expression) Having a flashback.

TOOTSIE NOODLES  
Hey, twinsies!

MEGAGIRL  
(gives TOOTSIE a weird look) Twinsies?

(MEGAGIRL then adopts the same expression, mocking the two cousins. FEBRUARY copies her. Then KRAYONDER. Then BUG...pretty soon everyone but TAZ and UP have that expression on their face, staring out at the audience, including LUTHER.)

UP  
Alright, alright, can we get a move on?

TAZ  
Let's just get this stupid mission over with already.

READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS  
Yeah. Anyway, Mrs. Space-Claw? What the hell are (distastefully) _rangers _doing down here?

SPECS  
What do you mean by that?

KRAYONDER  
Whaaaaat (everyone stares at him)...whhhhyyyyyyy?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Rawb here is going to keep in touch with you guys while you're back in time. He'll give you instructions as needed, and guidance if you need it.

FEBRUARY  
(holds up an old phone) With this?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Exactly.

TAZ  
(raises her eyebrow) With an old 1950s phone?

READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS  
Don't blame me, blame the woman who designed the whole place!

KRAYONDER  
Wait...are you saying that Dr. Space-Claw doesn't do anything?

TOOTSIE  
**DR. SPACE-CLAW...WHO DOESN'T DO ANYTHING?**

KRAYONDER  
Mrs. Space-Claw is the real brains behind G.L.E.E.?

FEBRUARY  
Mrs. Space-Claw is Ryan Murphy?

UP  
(frustrated at the two dunderheads) Dead God.

(READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS gives MRS. SPACE-CLAW a worried glance; she gives him a reassuring look.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
My husband is the brawn; I am the brains.

TAZ  
Then how come I haven't heard of you before, eh?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Ah, you know my husband. Uncooperative. Never wants to share any of the credit that so righteously belongs to me...

(The music for "WE'RE GOING BACK" begins.)

KRAYONDER  
Okay!

BUG  
All right, Mrs. Space-Claw? How are we going back?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Glad you asked.  
**I CONNECT THIS WIRE TO THIS ONE  
I PRAY AND CROSS MY HEART  
I PLUG IT INTO THE WALL AND HOPE THAT IT STAYS - WE NEED THE POWER  
THEN I RUN OVER TO RAWB HERE  
HE'LL BE OPERATING YOUR TRIP  
YOUR LITTLE TRIP - YOUR LITTLE TIME TO GO BACK.**

(The Starship Rangers look on as all the workers start to set up the time travel machine. A few workers find costumes and start to put them on the protesting Rangers. READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS does stuff on his computer throughout the song. As a running gag, he shows the audience random funny YouTube videos during the song, while not singing at all.)

WORKER #1  
**WE'RE HELPING YOU ON YOUR MISSION**  
**TO SAVE LITTLE JUNIOR'S LIFE**  
**I'M GOING TO TURN THIS LITTLE SWITCH ON THE SIDE ON** (she does so) **- LIKE SO**

WORKER #2  
**THEN THE THINGY STARTS TO SWIRL**  
**AND ATOMS, AND NEUTRONS, AND EVERYTHING WORKS NOW**  
**YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON A TRIP - GOING TO GO BACK.**

WORKERS AND MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**  
**YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT NO ONE ELSE HAS DONE BEFORE, **  
**WHAT NO ONE'S DONE EFFECTIVELY!**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK AND WE WILL KNOW THAT IT IS POSSIBLE**  
**A SCIENTIFIC REVOLUTION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN**  
**A TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCE - IT'S PLAIN TO SEE**  
**AND WE WILL SEE **  
**OH, MOST CERTAINLY -**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**

STARSHIP RANGERS  
**WE'RE GOING BACK!**  
**UH HUH!**  
**WE'RE GOING BACK!**

TAZ  
(quizzically) Why are you changing our clothes? Why do we have different _noses_? And why, FOR DEAD GOD'S SAKE, am I IN A TARZAN COSTUME?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Ahem. You don't exactly want Junior to recognize you in the future, now do you? You were all completely different people back then. And if Junior remembers you in the future, things will be quite different. And Bug's, well, a bug. We're going to use the same technology that scorpion used on you, only it's much more effective.

BUG  
Um...okay?

TAZ  
Again, WHY AM I IN A FREAKING TARZAN COSTUME? HOW THE HELL IS _TARZAN_ GOING TO CONVINCE JUNIOR OF ANYTHING?

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(dazed) Well, I'm sorry that you feel so strongly against Tarzan. Miss, (motions toward a worker) give Lieutenant Lopez another disguise. And, er-

(She notices the other Rangers dressed in equally odd costumes - BUG is literally dressed like a bug, MEGAGIRL is dressed like a human, KRAYONDER is dressed like a goth, SPECS is dressed like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, FEBRUARY is dressed like Mimi from Rent, UP is dressed like a dolphin, TOOTSIE is dressed like a turtle, and a snarling READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS is dressed like Harry Potter. They all give MRS. SPACE-CLAW questioning looks.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
And...ahem. Make that all of them.

(The workers do that, shoving all Rangers back. However, MRS. SPACE-CLAW makes MEGAGIRL stay.)

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
I'm fairly certain that Megagirl cannot go back.

TOOTSIE  
(from back) But why? I love her!

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
Robots and humans working together? Ahem. I don't think so! That only happened a while ago, people may get suspicious.

MEGAGIRL  
I am coming whether you like it or not.

MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
(sighs) All right, on your own head be it. (shakes head, Rangers come back in more suitable disguises) Okay, one of you tell them what's next.

WORKER #3  
**NOW STAND HERE ALL BESIDE THIS METAL RING**  
**DON'T WANT TO LEAVE ANYONE BEHIND - OH NO, WE DON'T!**  
**STAY CONNECTED TO EACH OTHER.**

WORKER #4  
**IN A JUST A MOMENT YOU'LL JUMP LIKE SO**  
**YOU'LL HOLD HANDS AND WE'LL TRANSPORT YOU BACK - USING RAWB'S COMPUTER**  
**BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING BACK, GOING BACK, GOING, GOING BACK**

WORKERS AND MRS. SPACE-CLAW  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**  
**YOU'RE GOING TO DO WHAT NO ONE ELSE HAS DONE BEFORE, **  
**WHAT NO ONE'S DONE EFFECTIVELY!**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK AND WE WILL KNOW THAT IT IS POSSIBLE**  
**A SCIENTIFIC REVOLUTION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN**  
**A TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCE - IT'S PLAIN TO SEE**  
**AND WE WILL SEE **  
**OH, MOST CERTAINLY -**  
**YOU'RE GOING BACK!**

STARSHIP RANGERS**  
WE'RE GOING BACK!  
UH HUH!  
WE'RE GOING BACK!**

WORKERS AND MRS. SPACE-CLAW**  
MMM-HMMM!  
YOU'RE GOING BACK!**

STARSHIP RANGERS**  
WA-WA!  
WE'RE GOING BACK!**

WORKERS AND MRS. SPACE-CLAW**  
YOU'RE GOING BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! **

STARSHIP RANGERS**  
WE'RE GOING BACK!**

GRAVITY  
(entering, right next to Starship Rangers) **AND I****'M GOING BACK TOO! **

EVERYBODY  
(in confusion, as GRAVITY jumps in with Rangers, READ-AND-WRITE BOOKS shows a final video: a singing cat.) WHAT?

(Lights flash out suddenly.)


End file.
